Notebook clear out (1)

The following are things I've written in notebooks, emailed myself or saved as drafts on my phone. I can't remember the context for most of them. I may have been drunk. There are loads so I'm splitting them over two posts.

• Story: man who lives for his family learns the value of selfishness one Christmas
• Calling the police 5-0 * 
• Don't use your taste in fermented hop drinks as a weapon.
• Face like a punched cushion
• Don't come from a rich enough family to vote labour
• Contolded: to be cuckolded by a woman.
• Bowie/Bowie as slang for bisexual: the first bow to rhyme with row, the second with row
• She wasn't winsome, but not exactly youlosesome either
• Too Slow, Hamburgular

* I heard some guys in Bradford doing this